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Jokes about Phil Schofield, Liz Truss and the cost of life jeopardy are among the best contemporary Christmas cracker jokes voted by the British public in an annual poll.
The poll asked members of the public to vote on a shortlist of 10 modern jokes deemed worthy of inclusion in the cracker. In keeping with festive tradition, the jokes are more likely to resonate with the depths of despair, rather than a sincere rant.
The best of the shortlisted jokes was decided in a poll of 2,000 adults conducted by television channel Gold: “What kind of peas spoil Christmas dinner? MPs.” This included Phil Schofield and Holly Willoughby – the hosts of This Morning – jumping the queue to pay their respects to Queen Elizabeth II as her coffin lay in state at Westminster Hall.
Other shortlisted cracker jokes were:
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Why does Kate Bush need to turn off the heating? She’s footing that bill
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How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards to his family? The artist formerly known as Prince
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What is the difference between a Liz Truss and a Shepherd? A U-turn and another turn
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Why aren’t Will Smith and Chris Rock having a turkey this Christmas? Because they have beef
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Why is Santa banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon Footprints
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What crisps do Phil and Holly serve at their Christmas party? leaves
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Why does the government have a problem with its own version of Christmas nativity? They cannot find the three wise men
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What do people do this Christmas to warm their homes and wrap up in paper? Both are torn
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How can you keep your home warm this Christmas? Tinsulation
The Christmas cracker tradition began in 1840 with a London confectioner named Tom Smith. He borrowed an idea from the French and started wrapping sweets in a tube and included a small romantic slogan. Originally branded as “Christmas Bonbons”, he later added an explosive snap and a small trinket to create the modern cracker package. Over time, the romantic slogan was often replaced with a humorous reference, which led to families sitting around the dinner table wearing paper hats and reciting unusual words.
Producers say they rarely update jokes and keep them the same for decades — only removing jokes deemed offensive because of sexism or other biases — because consumers complain if the gags are actually funny.
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